Power Rankings: Week 1

Power Rankings: Week 1

Timmy and I put together a ranking of all the teams based on very scientific data analysis. Hopefully we can keep it updated throughout the season, but we also welcome input from others. We may even have a mailbag feature with reaction to the rankings if we receive feedback from other league members. We disagree on the top spot, he believes the Defending Champ should be here, but I have to give it to the Vlad’s. Since I have the Kiss the Baby’s down a little lower, last year’s regular season champ begins as the favorite to win again this year…


1) Vladimir Ducasse – Time and time again he proves to have the insiders knowledge come draft night. Danny’s team has more talent on the bench than most of us have starting. Strong at all positions, with Schaub, Rice, Arian Foster, Brandon Marshall and D. Bowe leading the team into this week’s matchup with rival, EO. Yahoo predicts Big Vlad to win a shootout, 112.51 to 105.7.

2) Kiss the Baby – Until somebody beats the champion… Although I question his Packer-Packed™ strategy, Demps and his Guy finish no lower than second in our initial Power Rankings. He will rely on Joe Flacco and a Green Bay trio (J. Finley, R. Grant and G. Jennings) this season and hope for health from veterans Benson, Gaffney and Ward. Demps may be one of the only teams to use a TE in the flex spot, but with Jermichael and Dallas Clark, he reminds us why he is the Defending Champ. (Week 1 at Football Jukes)

3) G-MEN – That’s right, folks, the G-MEN are in the building with a new name and a fresh young squad. They have the top QB in Aaron Rodgers, three top RB’s in Purple Jesus, Jahvid Best and Shonn Greene, as well as a balanced WR corps of T.O., Maclin and Steve Smith (the one from USC). They open with a stiff test against the grizzly old Beef Briskets, who don’t think they should be ranked this high because the have Eli Manning…bulletin board material! (Week 1 GRUDGE MATCH OF THE WEEK v. Beef Brisket)

4) Know-Shon? – One name, “Johnson.” It’s the Chris and Andre show, but to hold the 4th spot in the rankings, other guys will have to step up. Will has taken one last chance on Mr. Wrangler Favre and hopes that Felix Jones and Wes Welker are ready to produce. (Week 1 at R.I. Bulldogs)

5) Worild's Greatest – True Sleeper of the Year potential. Streakiest team in the league. Can reel off 6 straight wins or have 4 guys roll their ankle at chelsea piers in one week. Peyton, Fitz, Mendenhall, Crabtree, Mike Wallace, and unfortunate Giant on my team, Ahmad Bradshaw. (Week 1 @ Softer Knocks)


6) R.I. Bulldogs – A disspointing preseason ranking for one of last year’s most dominant teams, but we have to ask, how will Tyler fare without two top quarterbacks? Sure, there is only one QB slot, but clearly Brady and Brees played a huge role in last year’s success. A potentially dominant receiving corps of Harvin, Wayne and Garcon will be asked to motivate Braylon Edwards, who seems like he’s pretty weird, and may have an adverse effect on team chemistry. (Week 1 v. Know-Shon?)


7) #4 Great Teammate – Co-Favorite for rookie of the year, EO the Truth heads into his Week 1 Showdown with Danny ready to rock. Philip Rivers, Steven Jackson, Ochocinco, Miles Austin, and C.J. Spiller are all dangerous weapons that won’t be intimidated by the pressure of the ***GAME OF THE WEEK.*** Questionable decision starting Michael Bush as the flex, but we know to expect some erratic decision-making from the rookie owner. From Timmy: “I actually love this roster. If one defense is tough to beat, try 3. FUCK THIS SHIT, TRUTH IS FOR REAL” (Week 1 at Stamford Stadium)

8) Football Jukes –He knows the least about football, and Timmy thinks that helps him in fantasy. Jukes went heavy on Saints, Cowboys and Jags, as well as three players playing on opening night. Colston and Meachem should benefit from the Saints explosive offense, but are two of a bunch of weapons in NO. Visanthe Shiancoe may be the X-factor for Brett Favre, who no longer has Sidney Rice to throw to. Keepers Romo and MJD will be carried on to lead the squad. (Week 1 v. Kiss the Baby)

9) Dream Shake – Tim penalized Will in the rankings for transferring from Conn College, he is one of the favorites for comeback team of the year. He made some bold moves to acquire Frank Gore as a keeper, and is hoping for breakout years from Matt Ryan and Calvin Johnson. A solid core-tet (get it?) of Hakeem Nicks, Malcolm Floyd, Pierre Thomas and Joseph Addai give the Dream Shakes a real chance to move up. (Week 1 at Tomlin’s Shape-Up)

10) Softer Knocks – Softer Knocks look to make it back to the playoffs this year, but face an uphill climb. He considered keeping the Jets defense, but thankfully decided to trade for young stud Jamaal Charles. Charles and Michael Turner provide a strong run game, and Anquan Boldin could be awesome, but Jay Cutler leads to questions at QB. Also, Tim and I both agree you can’t expect to win with three Giants on your team. (Week 1 v. Worilds Greatest)

11)Beef Brisket – There are questions everywhere for the Brisket entering the season. Timmy’s franchise QB, Tom Brady, is in a hit and run car accident while texting spy reports to Belichick. Suspect WR corps behind Roddy White puts extra pressure on Ricky and DeAngelo Williams to carry the load. How does he plan to make it work? “Made a mess of pre-draft moves and looks to be paying the price with lack of depth. 7 WR's on his team = spread offense!” (Week 1 at G-MEN)

12) Tomlin’s Shape-Up – The Shape-Ups are hoping for huge, record-breaking things from Kevin Kolb and DeSean Jackson like Brady and Moss a few years back. If that happens, and Moss is like he was that year, and Reggie Bush plays like he did at USC, and Lee Evans gets traded to a team with a QB, then they might be able to move out of last place in the rankings this year. As Timmy says, “Soom tried and failed in last year's draft, Faja did no better this year. Better collect the $100 before they try to sneak out unnoticed.” Ouch! (Week 1 v. Dream Shake)